My one and only rule...well, Barney's, not mine

My one and only rule

From the Barney Stinson Blog:

My one and only rule

Written on February 28, 2011 by Barney Stinson in My blog

I am, if nothing else, a man of integrity. I choose to live a life governed by strict morals that are often difficult to remember. That’s why I’ve simplified everything into one simple, easy-to-understand rule:
Never date a girl with a hook for a hand.
For me, it’s just that simple. Whenever I encounter an ethically gray situation, that one rule almost always guides me in the proper direction.
After you’ve discovered your own “one rule,” you’ll need to commit it to memory. I find it helps to take out a piece of paper and simply write your rule over and over, like this:



“I only have one rule”

• Never date a girl with a hook for a hand.
• Never go out with a chick whose last name ends in a vowel.
• If you’re gonna get it on in a portable toilet, do it early in the day.
• Never meet a girl’s parents.
• Never pass up a free sample.
• Never pet a chicken.
• If “Don’t Stop Believing” comes on, stop whatever you’re doing and sing along with one hand up in the air.
• Never check a bag.
• If it’s yellow, flush it down, too.
• Never spell check.
• Never trust a dude with hair past his shoulders.
• Never trust a dude with hair ON his shoulders.
• Never delete “Total Recall” from your DVR.
• Never enter a wine bar. They attract women over 30.
• Never wear a brown belt with black shoes.
• No cats.
• Never take a girl back to your place, especially if your place is the White House.
• Always wash your hands before returning to work.
• Never leave home with less than three condoms in your wallet.
• However old a girl says she is… add five years. However much a girl says she weighs… add twenty pounds.
• Never make the first or third out at third base.
• Never meet a girl for lunch.
• Never repeat yourself.
• Don’t say the same thing twice.
• Bang twice, dump once.
• The longer the line, the better the food.
• Throw it high, say “goodbye.” Throw it low, you’re going to the show.
• If you pay your taxes before a court mandates that you do, you’ve paid too soon.
• When travelling internationally, it’s best to stick to bottled water and avoid ice cubes.
• C-cups and up.
• Never run without stretching.
• Never wear a clip-on.
• Never use an airplane lavatory.
• Wait at least an hour after eating before humping.
• He who smelt it, dealt it.
• Ask yourself, “What would Ted do?” Then do the opposite.
• Never order a “small” beer.
• Black tie is never optional.
• If someone yells “Duck!” then duck.
• Never date a girl with a hook for a hand.